


I Wanna Get Better

by harrowinghowell



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, OCD, Self Harm, Zoe is pan, a lot of this will be texts btw, alana is ace and confused, alana is stressed, also he works at lush, also just like me, and there r more jobs, b forewarned, btw tree bros is established, connors gay af, depressed Connor, evan is bi, eventual smut and sum v suggestive shit, germaphobe evan, he has anxiety and ocd just like moi, ill have warnings tho, jared doesnt give a shit, jared just loves the cronch, jared says fuck labels, lol, mentioned self harm, more triggers probably ill add as i go, musical theatre, oh boy, ok good luck, she says shes straight but, sorry ab that everyone does that but i cant resist, u will see, zoes tired of everyones shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-24 07:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrowinghowell/pseuds/harrowinghowell
Summary: Nobody intended on signing up for the school musical.The problem is, Evan Hansen can't say no to his mother, Connor Murphy loves to do things ironically, Alana Beck somehow needs more extracurriculars, Zoe Murphy dabbles in singing, and Jared Kleinman just doesn't wanna be left out.





	I Wanna Get Better

"Evan, honey?"

Evan didn't answer, just looked up at his mother, who was walking cautiously towards him, a twinkle in her eye.

"I got an email about the school musical," Heidi lamented, sitting down on Evan's bed in the process. Evan wanted to tell her to get up, that she was in her scrubs and that her shift just ended so they were probably covered in bacteria and she was just getting it on his bed where he sleeps and now he'd have to wash his comforter and-

"I thought maybe you could sign up?" Heidi continued, abruptly stopping Evan's train of anxious thoughts. Evan just stared back at her, a quizzical look washing over him.

"Me? In- in a _musical_? In front of the _entire school_?"

Heidi nodded, smiling.

Evan wasn't smiling back, so she sighed and pushed further. "I think it could be good for you, you know? I mean, you wouldn't have to have a big role or anything... Remember in second grade, when you played a tree in the Christmas play?"

"Mom, that was... completely different," Evan argued. "That was second grade. And it was a play, not a- a musical."

"Oh, stop saying it like that, Evan. It's not anything bad. It's just you and people you know singing and dancing on a stage in front of other people you know."

Evan just stared. "And musicals aren't that different from plays," she added matter-of-factly.

"Yes they are."

"Honey, they're not."

"They _are._ "

" _Evan,_ " Heidi said, in that voice, and Evan felt like grabbing his pillow and smothering himself with it. "Please, just... Give it a shot. I think it could really help. And if you don't like it, you can drop out and somebody else can take your place."

 _What a good metaphor for my life,_ Evan thought bitterly. But instead of arguing, he just whispered, "Fine."

He was feeling the tiniest amount of better, lately, and he could hopefully get away with completely flunking his audition on purpose so there was no way he'd make it into the real production. Hopefully.

Heidi's face lit up. "I'm proud of you already. Sign up tomorrow. The auditions are on Wednesday. Hey, maybe you can get Connor to sign up with you. Or Jared."

Evan held back a laugh. "Sure, mom."

"You'll do great, honey." They sat in silence for a moment, and Evan was about to ask if they could play a board game before he had to go to bed, but then she got a call and frowned and then fake-smiled and murmured "I love you" and ran out, so Evan just got out his phone instead.

To his surprise, he had notifications. And not just from Connor spamming him, although that was part of it.

After carefully typing a paragraph replying to Connor's 8 different texts, Evan opened Kik, simultaneously nervous and intrigued.

morelikejaredcoolman added morelikezoesmurphy, Alana.Beck01, evanlikestrees, and connorlikesweed to the chat.

morelikejaredcoolman named the chat "LUnch squad"

morelikezoesmurphy: nobody even says squad anymore

morelikejaredcoolman: Wow i start this wholesome group and the first thing you do is personally attack me

morelikejaredcoolman: I thought we were friends.

morelikezoesmurphy: no

connorlikesweed: you have matching names though

morelikezoesmurphy: he STOLE MY IDEA

connorlikesweed: suuuure

connorlikesweed: yours doesnt even make sense

morelikejaredcoolman: Connor do you have a problem with our names bc i for one think they're pretty swell

connorlikesweed: yes

connorlikesweed: i don't condone matching names.

evanlikestrees: Connor

evanlikestrees: we have matching names

morelikezoesmurphy: ^^^

connorlikesweed: wtf evan youre supposed to defend me

morelikejaredcoolman: oh no there's trouble in the cevan fandom

connorlikesweed: wtf

morelikejaredcoolman: Pronounced kevin

evanlikestrees: im confused

morelikejaredcoolman: YEaH youre usuallt confused

evanlikestrees: :(

connorlikesweed: hey jared

connorlikesweed: fuck you

morelikejaredcoolman: Shouldnt u be doing that to evan HAHA BADUMTSS

connorlikesweed: actually i like being a power bottom thank u very much

morelikezoesmurphy: JESUS CHRIST CONNOR

morelikejaredcoolman: Oh my GOD

connorlikesweed: what

morelikejaredcoolman: Thank you for sharing

evanlikestrees: connor why?????

connorlikesweed: im jk i could never bottom thats like a cat fucking a giraffe

morelikezoesmurphy: there's a line between "jk" and fucking scarring your sister for life

connorlikesweed: didnt cross it

morelikezoesmurphy: like hell u didnt

connorlikesweed: youre just sensitive

morelikezoesmurphy: no u just need to keep your sex life to yourself

connorlikesweed: really? mrs. "hi im zoe im a lesbian i like to eat out girls in jazz band while mr hunt isnt looking"

morelikezoesmurphy: first of all i'm not a lesbian

morelikezoesmurphy: second i've never eaten out a girl so fuck off

evanlikestrees: wait but i thought you were gay

morelikezoesmurphy: i'm pansexual there's a difference

evanlikestrees: oh i'm sorry i didn't know

evanlikestrees: i'm sorry

morelikezoesmurphy: it's cool

morelikejaredcoolman: So after that painfully awkward exchange

morelikejaredcoolman: Does anyone of you fuckers wanna spend the night

evanlikestrees: it's a school night

morelikezoesmurphy: don't remind me

morelikejaredcoolman: So? 

morelikejaredcoolman: Dont act like youve never had a School Night Sleepover with your bf

morelikejaredcoolman: Prolly just a lot of anal tho

evanlikestrees: we've had sleepovers but we didn't do anything

connorlikesweed: yeah we're children of god

morelikezoesmurphy: you just told us you're a power bottom.

connorlikesweed: hey keep my sex life out of this

evanlikestrees: i'm jewish

connorlikesweed: shhhhhhhhh

evanlikestrees: okay

connorlikesweed: not actually

evanlikestrees: okay

morelikejaredcoolman: So is nobody coming over orrrrrrrrr

Alana.Beck01: I can.

morelikezoesmurphy: ALANA

morelikejaredcoolman: Wait are u actually allowed since like youre a girl and im not

connorlikesweed: jared youre considerably gay im sure nobody will mind

morelikejaredcoolman: dont label me FUCKER

connorlikesweed: you dated a man literally last week

morelikejaredcoolman: So did Zoe and now she's feelimg gay soooo what's your point?

evanlikestrees: you haven't dated a girl since freshman year

morelikejaredcoolman: Yes but I got to second base under the bra with the Israel girl over the summer

connorlikesweed: that was like five months ago

Alana.Beck01: I'm allowed Jared

morelikejaredcoolman: I cant believe your parents believe a straight girl and a sexually ambiguous man are okay to spend a night together but they dont believe in eating meat

morelikejaredcoolman: but anyways my parents think I'm gay so come on over

connorlikesweed: i can see why

evanlikestrees: hey guys

connorlikesweed: hi evan

evanlikestrees: are any of you signing up for the school musical?

connorlikesweed: im gonna as a joke

morelikezoesmurphy: isnt it Beauty n the Beast?

connorlikesweed: yep

morelikezoesmurphy: yea ill probably sign up

morelikezoesmurphy: we should all sign up

Alana.Beck01: I'm omw Jared. and I already signed up

morelikezoesmurphy: um lana signups dont start till tmrw

Alana.Beck01: Mrs. Russell let me sign up early

connorlikesweed: youre so special

connorlikesweed: also we can all sign up but im prolly gonna drop out

connorlikesweed: also there's no way in hell ev will sign up

evanlikestrees: well actually

connorlikesweed: ?????????

morelikezoesmurphy: holy shit

evanlikestrees: mom is making me bc she thinks it will help me and because i was in a play in 2nd grade

morelikejaredcoolman: Oh my god you're gonna have a panic attack just walking in to the auditorium

evanlikestrees: thank you that was really comforting

connorlikesweed: oh my god im so proud of you

connorlikesweed: youre gonna be so good what the fuck

connorlikesweed: im so proud my BABY

morelikejaredcoolman: He'll probably get cast as like a tree

morelikejaredcoolman: And yet. He would love it

connorlikesweed: have you ever heard him sing?

evanlikestrees: actually i was a tree in 2nd grade i was in a play then

morelikejaredcoolman: Yep you mentioned that

evanlikestrees: oh i'm sorry

morelikejaredcoolman: And no I didnt know that was a thing

connorlikesweed: hes GOOD

evanlikestrees: i'm not and i wasnt even like singing i was just kinda talking

evanlikestrees: you had a fever so you probably dont rememeber right

morelikezoesmurphy: rememeber

connorlikesweed: no i remember CLEARLY

morelikezoesmurphy: meme

morelikejaredcoolman: Wait when did he SING to you???

evanlikestrees: he was sick i didnt SING i just

evanlikestrees: spoke

evanlikestrees: but melodically

morelikejaredcoolman: You rapped for him?

evanlikestrees: NOooo

connorlikesweed: i had a cold and i had a really high fever and ev came over and brought me dayquil and vicks and tissues and cough drops and chocolate and oj and he made me soup and tea and he helped me shower and he got me a bunch of blankets and then i was tired but i couldnt sleep so he sang me lana del rey

morelikezoesmurphy: that is the cutest shit i've ever heard

morelikezoesmurphy: omg

morelikezoesmurphy: i knew he brought u stuff but omg

morelikejaredcoolman: Oh my god evan that is so extra

connorlikesweed: youre just jealous

evanlikestrees: it really wasnt as good as you made it sound i just brought some stuff

connorlikesweed: it made me happy as fuck tho

morelikejaredcoolman: Okay i know youre having a moment but like he can sing???

connorlikesweed: why yes jared it's not like we just had an entire fucking conversation about it

morelikejaredcoolman: Listen I am just

morelikezoesmurphy: shooketh

morelikejaredcoolman: Yes

morelikezoesmurphy: btw what lana song

evanlikestrees: tomorrow never came

morelikezoesmurphy: HELL YEA 

morelikejaredcoolman: Alana is that you?

morelikejaredcoolman: Nvm it was a pregnant woman

connorlikesweed has changed their nickname to connorlikesevan

connorlikesevan: wow

morelikezoesmurphy: nice name

connorlikesevan: thanks i felt like it fit me better

morelikezoesmurphy: holy shit are u saying you like evan more than weed?

connorlikesevan: well yeah???

morelikezoesmurphy: jesus you must really love him

connorlikesevan: trust me, i do

evanlikestrees: i love you too

morelikejaredcoolman: Get a room

evanlikestrees: for what

morelikejaredcoolman: To do gay stuff in

connorlikesevan: gladly ;)

morelikezoesmurphy: BYE

morelikejaredcoolman: Amazing

evanlikestrees: connor stopppppppp

connorlikesevan: that's not what you said Friday night

morelikejaredcoolman: I'm out

connorlikesevan: omg congrats

morelikejaredcoolman: Fuck u

connorlikesevan: no thanks

morelikejaredcoolman: Bye dickhole

connorlikesevan: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

evanlikestrees: dickhole

connorlikesevan: yes?

evanlikestrees: hi

connorlikesevan: hi baby

evanlikestrees: facetime ?

connorlikesevan: yes

evanlikestrees: okay :)

morelikejaredcoolman: ALANA BROUGHT ME FUCKIN NOODLES IM IN LOVE.

morelikejaredcoolman: I am straight

morelikezoesmurphy: bet

morelikejaredcoolman: Feck you

morelikezoesmurphy: i'm coming over

morelikejaredcoolman: I thought you were grounded??

morelikezoesmurphy: i am

morelikejaredcoolman: Well shit what a rebel

morelikezoesmurphy: you know it

Alana.Beck01: Hurry up we have snacks

morelikezoesmurphy: OMW

Alana.Beck01: <3

morelikezoesmurphy: love u

morelikejaredcoolman: Love u 2 honey baby sweet child

morelikezoesmurphy: BYE

**Author's Note:**

> im sleep deprived  
> i hope someone liked this ive had this draft for like a month oop


End file.
